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Desire and arousal are both part of the excitement phase of the sexual response.

Research suggests that sexual dysfunction is common, but many people are hesitant to discuss it.

"From the media we think sex should be enjoyed a particular way and should look a certain way, so when it doesn’t it leads many to worry about things which are actually normal.” Barker points out that as many as 70 per cent of women are unable to reach climax through intercourse but we're never taught that in schools.

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The last time I had sex with a guy for the first time I didn’t feel totally fabulous about it afterwards.

Actually, I'd go as far as to say I felt sort of, not fabulous at all. Should I maybe have just – what’s that word – waited?

“This is the first time in human history in the western world that women, theoretically, can have sex whenever and with whomever they want. We haven't worked out how to judge these women," explains relationship psychologist and coach Susan Quilliam. We're surrounded by pretty mixed messages: Be sexy but not too sexual mind, otherwise you're just a slut.

There's a fine line between sex appeal and taking it too far and I agree with Quilliam that society is unsure as to where that line lies.

A lack of awareness and a total ambivalence in our attitudes towards sex has inevitably affected both men and women’s ideas about sex.

So yes, we’re confused, but I am encouraged by Quilliam, Lee and Barker. Like, if I’ve just eaten an Indian or something,” she laughs.Now I would say it is almost 100 per cent a woman’s domain, it’s evident in that I have witnessed a steady increase in the number of female customers over the past two decades.It’s amazing the change we’ve experienced.” Quilliam too assures me that “sex is becoming increasingly a women’s game,” but adds “we still have a long way to go before it is a level playing field, at the moment we are in a transition period and the only common theme I see is confusion from both sexes." Barker agrees on this point. The same survey last year that concluded women had doubled their number of sexual partners also founded that 44 per cent of men and 51 per cent of women consider themselves to have sexual problem, which are shocking figures.I have to admit that on occasion I have found the event (let’s call it that) leads to a whole host of afterthoughts seemingly hell-bent on destroying my psyche: Was that the right time? Over the years, having listened to enough sexual anecdotes caveated with “I probably shouldn’t have,” or even, “I wish I hadn’t,” from my single female friends, I know I’m not the only one to experience post-coital vulnerability.Ellen, a 25 year-old friend of mine admits that “after sex, I’m never 100per cent positive about it.There must be a degree of internalisation of these messages which prevents us from fully embracing our sexuality.

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