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Okay, have you guys ever watched `The Brady Bunch'? You're busy watching fake people pretend to be real on MTV. See, there was this episode where Jan - the awkward middle child - made up a boyfriend to assuage the ridicule of her snatchy sister who had just stolen the heart of the boy that Jan loved. RHIANNON If you're choosing him over helping me cope with two days in the wilderness with these people who even I'm not convinced aren't serial killers, he had better be the one. CAFETERIA - CONTINUOUS Rhi and Olive continue their conversation, as Rhi pops a tater tot into her mouth. WOODS - NIGHT Rhi sits, bored and uncomfortable, while her parents smile at the campfire for an, again, awkwardly long moment.

Less about the lie and more about the unoriginality of it. OLIVE'S BEDROOM - DAY OLIVE (Into the phone) George Glass. Although still skeptical, she seems a tad more mollified. OLIVE'S BEDROOM - PRESENT DAY To her webcam -- OLIVE (Through the proverbial CLENCHED TEETH) Even though we now hate each other, Rhi, I really hope you're watching this. The lurid details of my weekend en flagrante delicto with the all-too- imaginary, yet surprisingly satisfying George Glass: Ken Nordine's beat poem `OLIVE,' (from the late 60's album `Colors'), underscored to jazz, plays as we see a montage of OLIVE'S WEEKEND: In her bedroom, Olive -- -- watches `The Notebook,' pining over Ryan Gosling.

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RHIANNON (Into the phone) Why don't you just say it? You think they're hopelessly pathetic and devoid of souls and wish that you could live with normal people who didn't meet at a Star Trek convention!!

There is another awkwardly long silence, while the Abernathys grin away at their fire. RHIANNON'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Rhiannon is getting increasingly angrier at her friend.

OLIVE Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind, ample breast size and the occasional corny knock knock joke, do enter this video blog into evidence in the case against me.

Because I'm being judged by a jury of my peers, I will attempt to insert `like' and `totally' into my confession as much as possible. I confess I'm, in no small part, to blame for the vociferous gossip that has turned my Varsity letter scarlet, but - for anyone hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will provide you with a reason to lock the door and make love to a dollop of your sister's moisturizing lotion - you'll be gravely disappointed. CAFETERIA - DAY Olive sits with her best friend, RHIANNON ABERNATHY (17), a brash teenager. George is like what you name your teddy bear, not the name you wanna scream out during an orgasm.

He goes to the community college with my brother in Denton.

You had better fucking marry him, have fucking babies with him and then take him for fucking everything he's worth. RHIANNON (With her mouth full) You're not off the hook, you know. This had better be the best date of your life to counterbalance the worst weekend of mine.

-- dances to the jazz music, but alone, in her underwear and a t-shirt that declares: `Hands off.' KEN NORDINE (V.

Sits and sits and sits and sits and THINKS about it's olive drab drab.

OLIVE'S BEDROOM - PRESENT DAY Olive continues to narrate into her webcam. I don't know if any of you have ever met them, but Rhiannon's parents are quite possibly the creepiest people in a four county radius. ABERNATHY has hair to her ankles and dresses like a Mormon.

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