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(Being a decent human being accounts for the other 110 percent*.) Because if you aren't showing up in kink spaces—online or IRL—your fellow kinksters won't be able to find or bind you. "The leather scene is a diverse place with tons of outlets and avenues, depending on how you navigate your life and learn," said Amp from Watts the Safeword (wattsthesafeword.com), a kink and sex-ed website and You Tube channel.

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It provided an easy way into the community, and it helped me meet new people, make new friends, and find trustworthy play partners.

If you're a tad shy and work better online, these contingents have Facebook groups or Fet Life pages you can join.

"It's a site where you can create a profile, window-shop for a play buddy, and 'check his references.' Even better, if you can, go to a public event like IML, MAL, or CLAW, or to a play party like the New York Bondage Club, where you can participate in a monitored space with other people around, or just watch the action.

Don't forget the motto 'safe, sane, and consensual,' and be sure to have a safe word!

And if you do want to explore bondage, take precautions.

Never get tied up in your own home by someone you don't know.

If they are not interested in doing the legwork, they're not the right person for you." Follow Metal on Twitter @Metalbond NYC, follow Amp @Pup_Amp, and follow Ruff @Ruffs Stuff Blog.

I'm a 28-year-old bi-curious female, and I ended a three-year straight LTR a month ago.

(Also: There are tons of gay guys out there into spanking, SPANK.

So if you aren't finding any, I can only conclude that you aren't looking.) I'm wondering about the application of the term "bear" to a straight man, such as myself.

"There are people out there who view 'kink newbies' as prey.

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