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The treatment of the book as a shock document is jarring considering how long “straight talk” about sex has been a feature of evangelical cool.
(As I write, a Texas pastor and his wife are livestreaming themselves in bed on the church roof to promote their new sex book.) The Driscolls’ tone is straightforward and factual, far less graphic than a Judd Apatow movie, and surprisingly free of Driscoll’s infamous overstatement.
There’s just the biological where you know, your mom died, you’re sad.
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With more than 10 million downloads a year, many are hungry for his teachings, which come directly from the Bible, and his sermons regularly rank #1 on i Tunes for Religion & Spirituality. Also when you read a lot of older literature they talk about melancholy as their word for depression.
There was no topic off limits as Risen Magazine: You’ve talked about stints of depression, especially early in your ministry and I think many struggle with the same stronghold, or an addiction of some sort, or feelings of insecurity…How did you work through it and is it something you think someone can ever fully recover from? As you read the Psalms categorically, the number one category of [the book of] Psalms is lament; people who were depressed and praying it out or singing it out.
He recalls having a dream, shortly before Grace gave birth to the couple’s first child, in which he “saw in painful detail Grace sinning sexually during a senior trip she took after high school when we had just started dating.” He awoke, threw up, and asked her if it was true. Had I known about this sin, I would not have married her.”Blogger David Moore of Fuller Theological, who wrote several posts on the book, said that even though he’s “not much of a feminist,” Driscoll’s dramatic overreaction to his wife’s high-school affair struck him as another example of the guy’s view of his wife as his sexual servant.
Moore picks out numerous passages from Real Marriage that seem to show Driscoll primarily concerned with the sexual needs of men.
She describes how the chapter twists the Old Testament story of Esther, a young Israelite woman who was forced to marry the king of Persia, into a modern moral lesson about wives submitting to their husbands.
The Driscolls “fail massively” to understand the story of Esther, Evans argues, and crassly treat the racy Song of Solomon as a “sex manual.”Tim Challies, a pastor and blogger who lives in Ontario, said that even though his own ministry proves the sexual proclivities of evangelicals are just as much influenced by pornography as anyone else’s, he still isn’t sure the church should discuss them with the Driscolls' degree of detail.
Though many have praised the Driscolls for their brutal honesty about their struggles, actually reading about them can be cringe-inducing.
At best it’s extreme oversharing, and at worst some see it as more evidence of Mark’s pervasive obsession with sex and a degrading view of women.
It’s not difficult to imagine how this brash sloganeering has angered both conservative and liberal evangelicals.
The Driscolls’ new book falls into that predictable divide, drawing fire from critics who dislike Driscoll’s aggressively “complementarian” view of gender roles (i.e., female submission), and from conservatives who think maybe the church just shouldn’t talk about anal sex.
Mark Driscoll has said virtually everything in Real Marriage in other books and sermons, and his permissive stance toward deviance in the marriage bed has precursors at least as far back as 1981’s Intended for Pleasure, a popular sex manual written by Ed and Gaye Wheat.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating